Children Are Our Future

What's the deal with jelly babies these days?

We have a lolly jar at work, and it has recently been topped up with all variety of gummy surprises and sugary delights. But somebody needs to send me the memo on jelly babies.

I remember jelly babies being cute little tubby people with clearly distinguishable limbs and facial features. In the last couple of weeks I have seen the following throwbacks to the babies-o-jell of the past:

• 'The lego baby' - that most basic of creature that seems to have accidentally stapled its arms to its pants.
• 'The freakshow' - the poor mutated jelly obliterated by craters of such magnitude that its correct orientation remains a mystery.
• 'The Swedish chef' - 'the freakshow' with an additional mutation - I giant puffy glob at the top.
• (And my personal favourite) 'The coy baby' - to my absolute mirth and astonishment, this bub has strategically placed hands covering its privates. I thought perhaps it was a once-off mistake, but, brilliantly, no...

And while I'm throwing the entire gummy industry into question, someone needs to tell all those confectioners to take the white stuff off the strawberries and cream. Nobody can seriously like that stuff. I'm advised by my better half that the white goo 'tastes like milkbottles'. Milkbottles shmilkbottles. All it does is dilute the zesty fruit goodness packed into those suckers. Begone white goo!! YOU SHALL NOT PASS!!!