I have always had an unearthly fear of trivia.
Primarily because I do not know anything. I can recite the Corporations Act backwards - sure. But when it comes to the things that really matter, I've got nothing. Nada. Nought. (See? I don't even know any more synonyms for 'nothing').
I was often heard joking that the only skill I brought to a trivia team was the ability to answer Harry Potter questions. Then, this one time at work trivia, we actually got a Harry Potter question, and my answer was definitively WRONG. I can't put the shame into words. Needless to say, since then I don't joke about bringing any skill WHATSOEVER to trivia.
Given this supreme legacy of failure, it is with as much surprise to me as anyone else that I currently find myself in a weekly trivia comp. I'm still not sure that I bring too many l33t trivia skillz to the table, but fortunately "The Right to Arm Bears" (see hand-crafted team logo courtesy of Jim above) hasn't booted me yet, so there's still time to improve.
Mind you, I don't even know how you learn trivia! Yeah, I could scour Wiki for hours on end, but it wouldn't stick. The other day I tried to memorise music and movies of the 1990s. Just pointless. If I haven't seen it, danced to it or karaoked it at least half a dozen times during my life, I'm not going to remember a jot.
And so, until trivia questions are restrained solely to my existing knowledge, or you can win Trivial Pursuit by filling your entire pie with Science wedges, I fear I shall never be known as Ali - Queen of Quizziness.
*The answer is Po. Thank goodness Jim knows his Italian rivers and I know my Teletubbies!