Much Better Places To Be. Seriously.

No.

Hell no.

I want to know, RIGHT NOW, the name and place of residence of the sorry sorry person responsible for canning Torchwood.

I have been hanging, ALL WEEK, to watch Torchwood tonight. And it is not on. Not even a LITTLE BIT.

I simply do not understand. I refuse to believe that it did not rate well. It had all the elements of a cult classic - implausible stories, questionable acting, low budget sets. What's not to love? It was up there with the best of them... South Park, Iron Chef*, Antiques Roadshow.

Yes, it was a little unrealistic - a couple of examples eloquently summarised and quoted from the Aussie Cult Fiction website :


Episode 2 - Day One

An alien entity (personified as a sexy purple mist) wreaks havoc in Cardiff. It finds a human host-body and proceeds to feed itself by bringing other people to orgasm and incinerating them at this point. Deadly shagging ensues.


Episode 4 - Cyberwoman

A Torchwood employee, Lisa, was partially cybernised by the Cybermen in the Battle of Canary Wharf (events depicted in the last two episodes of the 2006 series of Doctor Who). She's been hanging out in the basement of Torchwood 3, and she decides to go apeshit.

NB: And that's not even mentioning that the cunning plan to rid Torchwood of 'Lisa' was to sick the pet pterodactyl on her. Genius.


But the Sydney Morning Herald's The Guide's review got it spot on, saying "The appeal of Torchwood is not so much that it's gloriously implausible sci-fi pulp, but that it knows it's gloriously implausible, sci-fi pulp."

And I ask you, truly, is that not the best type of sci-fi pulp?

Ok, there's no denying that the show's sci-fi budget was a little on the minimalist side, and was always, always, kept for the last 5 minutes. But this was all part of Torchwood's charm. I mean, it's a BBC production set in Cardiff. Yes, Cardiff, WALES, people! We're lucky they speak English.

And let us, just for a moment, consider what the substitute option is tonight - a documentary special on the alleged opening of Jesus Christ's tomb. I don't want to watch that! Why, EVER, would I want to watch that?? Channel 10, seriously. Have you forgotten your target audience? i.e. ME?? I love you Channel 10. I have no VCR, recordable DVD player, little recordy box thing, or Foxtel. I don't even change commercial tv channels!

As I like to say, "If it's not on Channel 10, it's not worth watching."

But this time, you've cut me deep Channel 10.

Torchwood at 12am Wednesdays?

That decision may well be 'separate from the government, outside the police and beyond the United Nations'... But it is also just WRONG.


*Speaking of Iron Chef, a 'please explain' goes out to you too SBS. No Iron Chef for the last two weeks now. Hmm....