Death By Socks

I am calling for all the testosterone-pumped, suit-clad lads out there to take a stand and just say no to the fashion nicety of dark work socks.

Yes, perhaps a transition to flouro patterned knee-highs may seem a bit drastic in the short-term. But I swear, the endless frustration of trying to match about 1000 pairs of Jesse's virtually identical dark work socks post-wash is going to be the end of me.

And death by socks is not pretty.

PB

I'd like to officially record that QML artfully procured not one, not two, but TWELVE mighty vials of my precious red stuff today.

Yowza.

A personal best.

Pass Me the Tiger Balm...

... for I seem to be missing a rotator cuff.

The first of no doubt many, very necessary sacrifices to the Wii God.

Fortunately, thanks to the wonders of technology, any further injuries to my upper limbs can be cleverly disguised with state-of-the-art, life-like appendages, such as this:



So you will never suspect anything.

Addled (aka The Hierarchy of Skittles)

A short explanation of feudalism in confectionary.

The blackcurrant king always reigns supreme
Closely followed by his strawberry queen.
And whilst the tangerine knight is only all right,
He still pwns plebs in lemon and green.

I have lost it.

You Never Saw This Post Coming

When it's 1am and I can't get to sleep, this is what I'm thinking about...


Ruby red platforms
And bright silver Docs,
Soft ballet slippers
And hard wooden clogs,
Beanies on kittens
And mittens on dogs.
Just some of the things that I like.

Forests of pine
With trees all aligned,
One long and tenuous
Orange peel rind,
Smarties and parties
Of every kind.
A few more of the things that I like.

A bold wish, some goldfish,
Cheap fuel discount dockets,
Strange foreign currency
Lining my pockets,
Fairy lights sprouting from
Twelve power sockets.
Now THOSE are the things that I like.

Then there's big furry Ragdolls
And harsh ginger moggies.
Baking and swimming in
Nice new blue toggies.
Lovers and dreamers
And tiny green froggies.
These things I could not do without.

But sunshowers, blue flowers,
Tempests and tests,
Red Autumn maples
With old cuckoos' nests.
Pieces of eight bound in
Drowned treasure chests.
Their importance cannot be in doubt.

Tridents and wands and
Meandering chats.
Rabbits extracted from
Black magic hats.
Garden gnomes, secret tomes
Celtic knot tatts.
This is what life is about.

The classics, the hacks,
And ol' Jabberwocky.
Hot Subway melts and
The best home-made gnocchi.
Training a lovebird to say
"Hello Cocky!"
Essentials in every day.

Can only be followed
With CDs I've borrowed
But never had time to play.


Aaaalso... (and these are in no particular order...)


There are living mazes and purple hazes,
Thimbles and dimples and chooks.
Words en Francais, dusty cabriolets
And pucka celebrity cooks.

Puddles 'n cuddles 'n
Chilled apple ciders,
Hopscotch 'n dewdrops 'n
Wee jumping spiders,
Glossy black stallions
With brave swarthy riders.
Without them no life is complete.

Whilst hairspray I daresay
Can never be chicer
Than when its imbued
With shiny gold glitter.
Cold footy pies washed
Down with Vic Bitter.
These things simply cannot be beat.

Hi-fis and fireflies and
Spielberg's old sci-fis.
Reindeer on tin rooves
And twinkles in tikes' eyes.
Sweet loot and stone fruit
And dressing in disguise.
Oh! They are all such a treat!


And just a little change in tempo here...


Slushies concocted with strong grapey syrup
Sugar-free green apple gum,
Buttermilk pancakes draped with whipped cream
And jam a la Bonne Maman.

Carp and cows and bunnies so cute,
Oboe and harp and piccolo flute.
Goosebumps and hiccups and shivers with wine.
The strange little phrases that are only mine.

Wii time and me time, an MMORPG or two,
Ribbons and gibbons and jazz at the zoo.
I'd never survive with only a few.
You know what I'm saying is true.

So when it is late
And I'm still wide awake,
I always know just what to do.
Forget counting sheep.
For sure-fire sleep,
I just conjure a riddle or two.

Bienvenue et Hon Hon Hon

It is, bien sur, that temps de la year encore.

The time of lycra-donning, cheese-eating, surrendering and 'hon hon hon'-ing.

LE TOUR TIME!

It's been long (too long) since this festival of music, colour and cycling last hit our soapboxes. And so, it was with irrepressible frothing at the mouth that Jesse and I partook of the first leg yesterday.

The first leg is difficult to recap in one small post. But it started with cycling. It ended with cycling. And I believe there was a bit of cycling in the middle too.

There was also eating from little food baggies (some of which were thrown into other cyclists' spokes causing all worlds of pain and angst). But more importantly, there was Gabriel and his first dish de le tour.

Gabriel is, without doubt, my favourite segment in the daily tour show. Such combinations of fresh seafood, seasonal vegetables and lard, you could never dream of beyond the belle French borders. And don't forget Christian. No gastronomic wonder would be complete without Christian's expert advice vis a vis alcoholic accompaniments. "But what fair dish shall delight our petite tastebuds tonight?" I hear you rumble with your outrrrageous guttural 'r's. Well, tonight we are promised pear tart with lashings of pear... and tart... and cheesy lard I daresay. So keep your stomach grumbling for that one.

The other thing that really piques my interest in le tour is the absolutely stunning countryside and, more strangely, the identical houses. Every one so far has been white with a grey roof. Weird. I realise the French are born with impeccable taste; however I can't help but feel that the Government may be involved in this structural pleasantry somehow. Eitherways, it is utterly beautiful.

Finally, I love all the pretty coloured cyclists with their chrome domes and 22nd Century sunglasses. I am especially infatuated with the pink-dotted King of the Mountain jersey, which is an essential in any Winter wardrobe.

And even more finally, I am also somewhat taken by the team names adopted in this year's tour. "Credit Agricole" - the farmer's bank. "Gerolsteiner" - derived from the large family of steins called Gerol. "Barloworld" - for suits on the go. And "Euskaltel-Euskadi" - which really doesn't mean anything in any language, but is often followed with much hooting and good times aplenty.

And yes, the Euskaltel-Euskadi team is a crowd favourite, 'cause you can never have too much 'good times aplenty'.

Weekend-O-Wii

First of all, may I say HAPPY BIRTHDAY RICHO!

Second of all, may I say THANK YOU FOR LETTING ME PLAY YOUR NEW WII RICHO!

And last of all, may I say WHERE IS MINE RICHO???

THE END

Don't Ask What Facebook Can Do For You...

It is with much regret that I have come to accept that I am a complete and utter Facebook wench. It's much like being a Googlewhore, only sadder.

After a rough beginning to our relationship, it has now blossomed into a whirlwind affair of emails and apps. But it's not as though I haven't been putting the hours in. I mean, just today I completed Facebook's '10 Second Interview' and it took, like, 3 hours or something. Mad.

The other little gem of software I've been checking out lately is the oh-so-sweet Skype. Absolutely everybody should be using this awesome prince of technology. Cheap, effective and simple enough for me to use somewhat adequately. So, three ticks there. Get on it people.

Also on the PC front, we've started to give yet another MMORPG a run - LOTRO, or Lord of the Rings Online to all the non-nerds. I'm still unconvinced that it can match Conan's sweet sweet graphics, but it has NO PvP option. I repeat, NO PvP option. So it's lovely and civil and all good to me. Psych.

Moving away from the world of IT, Jesse and I have also been getting into a bit of hard-core board-gaming action of late. (And you thought this post couldn't get geekier, shame on you). The latest tabletop pleasure to hit our house's fair shores is Shadows Over Camelot, a co-operative game where everyone gets to play a wickedly cool knight of the round table.... or Sir Kay, who I have totally never heard of and who looks a bit dodgy. Aaanyways, the take home message is that this is a super-fun game and is even more enjoyable when consumed whilst donning silly hats.

In truth, I sense that most things are more enjoyable whilst donning silly hats...

Sharing the Love

www.askaninja.com

Check it and thank me later.

Or thank Jim for passing it to me, and thus to you.

Or thank me and I'll pass it on to Jim.


Whatever already! It's aaaall goooood.